yeah so time for some random ranting, its been a while since ive gotten to do this.... and you the reader will find some humor in all of it if you know what im talking about.
so first of all, let me just say i hate mapquest. definately hate them. since when was this ever helpful? they have directions that would have gotten you to your destination like.... 5 years ago. they can't keep up with major cities that are doing things like building new roads and changing exit numbers like every week. i.e., Atlanta and my FortMinor concert trip. so lets break this down like any good scientist would, mapquest is made up of two words and just for humor and reality sake, im gonna get REAL definitions for this.
First word: MAP - n.
-
- A representation, usually on a plane surface, of a region of the earth or heavens.
- Something that suggests such a representation, as in clarity of representation.
Second word: QUEST - n.
- The act or an instance of seeking or pursuing something; a search.
So there you go. Map meaning a representation, commonly things like an atlas AND Quest meaning a long search, seeking, or pursuing. Words like SEARCH, SEEKING, and PURSUING aren't words I wanna see when I'm looking for directions to get to a place quickly and efficiently. Imagine I wanted to give someone directions to the race track in Bristol (since its race week and all here). If I took the Mapquest approach this is what it would look like.
| Directions |
Distance |
| Total Est. Time: 9 minutes Total Est. Distance: 6.65 miles |
 |
1: |
Start out going NORTH on ELIZABETHTON HWY toward US-19 E / US-19E S / TN-37 S. |
0.5 miles |
 |
2: |
Turn LEFT onto US-19 E / US-19E N / TN-37 N. |
1.4 miles |
 |
3: |
Turn SLIGHT RIGHT onto US-11E N / TN-37 N / US-19 N / TN-34 E. Continue to follow US-11E N / US-19 N / TN-34 E. |
4.6 miles |
 |
4: |
Turn RIGHT onto SPEEDWAY BLVD. |
<0.1 miles |
 |
5: |
End at Bristol Motor Speedway Inc
151 Speedway Blvd, Bristol, TN 37620, US |
| Total Est. Time: 9 minutesTotal Est. Distance: 6.65 miles |
Anyone understand any of that?
........
........
........
Didn't think so...
First of all, it looks simple enough right?
Thats where they trick you into thinking your trip will be an easy one. Those directions are from my house to the racetrack. The trip should be 5 minutes tops. But since Mapquest knows that you are gonna get stuck deciphering step 3 for 4 minutes and pass the racetrack 3 times while you stare deeply into the paper trying to find out what a 'slight right' is, they made sure to add in that the trip will take 9 minutes, not 5. If you wanted my directions they would go like this:
Get on this highway behind the house and take a left. You'll come to another highway that this one kinda dead ends one and you'll wanna yield to the right. Just follow that road until you see the racetrack, shouldn't take you more than 5 or 6 minutes. Can't miss it since you'll probably see the ocean of RV's and tourists and you'll probably have to stop a few times cause our horrid police department can't direct traffic to save their lives. There you go, have a good time this weekend. Bye.
See that. It probably looks complicated, but thats cause I know the directions are so simple, i took time to make conversation. You can get some simple directions out of that if you just look at it. Take away that conversation stuff and you get:
Get on this highway. Take a left. You'll come to another highway. Yield to the right. Just follow that road until you see the racetrack.
Now think, if i just said that, that would probably come off as if I was annoyed that some lost race fan stopped to get directions to somewhere I knew that Mapquest directions have gotten him lost on. Adding in the conversation allows me to come off as Southern Hospitality which is always a good thing and helps make Tennessee, much less Northeast Tennessee a pretty cool place.
psh.... mapquest. the name says it all. it has QUEST in the name.
then theres ETSU. not only do we not have a football team, which is like some kind of metaphorical castration of a university, but our administration is the well, crappiest? suckiest? if either of those are real words... and even if they aren't, that makes it better cause they better describe how bad ETSU is. I sit here currently waiting for their special ed staff to put my loan in the computer that was sent on MONDAY so that i can comfirm registration for classes. You can't call these people cause they don't answer and you just sit on hold for 10 minutes before you've heard the same 'on hold' message for the 50th time.
**WARNING** This is not an actual Death Threat.
If this keeps up, I'm about tempted to just walk into the office of financial aid with a Tach 9 and just unload on those work study freshmen front desk retards who fail to help you what so ever.
MESSAGE TO THOSE FINANCIAL-AID WORK STUDY KIDS:
WHEN I NEED HELP AND YOU DONT FEEL LIKE HELPING ME, JUST PRETEND LIKE YOU TYPING SOMETHING AND LIE TO ME. ITS BETTER THAN YOU JUST SITTING THERE AND SAYING YOU CANT HELP ME.
thank you.
now for some other things.
my birthday's coming up soon. just under two months to be exact. (but its not like im counting.) i turn 20. wow. notice something right there? there isnt a 1 in that number. amazing. thats a 2 starting that number. a 2. that means i've live for two decades. thats like.... one fourth the average the lifespan.
but thats not why i mention this. i mention this cause these are things im looking at getting through my own money and by other people who've said they are gonna get them for me.
Mom is gonna get me:
*Bling Bling* Thats the new phone I'm supposed to be getting. Thats the Virgin Mobile Kyocera Slider Sonic. bout time im getting a decent phone. anyone see my last one. i think it ran on Windows cause it started to 'crash' and 'freeze up' all the time.
I have asked Dad for:
An IPod. A Music Addict's morphine drip pump. As much I live off music, it a wonder I don't already have one.
Things I plan on getting with Bday money or just cause they come out around my bday:
Nintendo Wii - the single greatest thing ever. this thing is gonna be fun.
and games i plan on getting for the Wii..
Zelda: Twilight Princess
Super Smash Bros: Brawl
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